Penny is an adorable Papillon mix I met after her family called me in for help addressing some of her behavior. Penny was an affectionate and social dog, but engaged in some jumping and barking behavior the owners found problematic. Like many dogs, she jumped on people when they came into the home and tended to bark when she was not getting attention or when there were noises or sights outside of the home. In addition, Penny had the troublesome habit of becoming reactive whenever her owners tried to hug or cuddle with each other. After we’d been settled into the living room, with Penny calmed down and getting belly rubs from me on the couch, the owners offered to demonstrate. They stood and casually moved together to hug one another. Instantly, Penny was off the couch and barking wildly, jumping at their legs and circling them with her high-pitched yips echoing through the home. The owners laughed and broke away from each other, with one owner scooping up Penny as the other gave me a “You see what we mean?” sort of look.
I did indeed see, and I have seen it many times before and since. From dogs who will nuzzle, bark or even bite their way into the middle of family members’ embraces to cats who will yowl or pound at the bedroom door if they’re put out during a couple’s intimate times to parrots who will squawk mercilessly at the sight of their owners sharing affectionate, many of our companion animals come to play the role of the obnoxious third wheel when we are sharing amorous moments with one another. Luckily, this is one behavior problem that is fairly easy to address.
First, the family must identify the behavior as a problem in the first place. Some couples find it endearing that their dogs “hug” them in a family embrace every time Mom gets home from work, or find it quirky but adorable when their cats reliably saunter their way in between them whenever they are close. In fact, it is often versions of this behavior that owners initially find cute which end up being the first steps toward a behavior those same owners may later deem a nuisance. As with most things, these pet tendencies are tolerable or even appealing in moderation but become disruptive or even dangerous in excess. I have even met families whose cats, dogs, or birds have become truly aggressive under these circumstances, threatening, biting, or scratching at their owners.
The problem often develops straightforwardly. Most pets enjoy our affection and learn both appropriate and inappropriate ways to get that attention. They might wait by the door for a walk, bring their owners their water bowl for a refresh, bark or whine for a ball game, or nudge under an owner’s hand for a chin scratch. They are often reminded of how much they love this attention and affectionate when there is a transition or period of heightened activity in the home. For example, they wake from napping when one family member comes home and want to join in all the other activities of their humans. If a pet learns that she is likely to be ignore when her owners are engaged with one another (e.g., hugging, cuddling for a movie, etc.), she might try attention-grabbing strategies that have worked in these other moments, such as barking or jumping. Owners often break away from each other at first, acknowledging their pet with affection or an invitation to come up and snuggle, and the habit is born.
Sometime later, if the pet is persistent in her attention-seeking during these times, some owners decide it’s a bit annoying and may begin to ignore the pet when she barks or jumps, rightly assuming that their attention will keep the behavior going. Then, a bit of a “temper tantrum” (in behavioral science, an “extinction burst”) might occur, in which the pet might try another response such as nipping at a pants leg, mouthing an owner’s hand, or howling especially pitifully. If the owners then give in, saying “OK, you must really be needing us right now”, they might then allow the pet into their embrace, thus teaching the animal that more persistent forms or pushy styles of attention-seeking are the most effective ways to break the owners’ attention from each other and direct it toward the pet. Thus, the habit becomes strengthened over time. In addition, owners tend not to reward the behavior EVERY time, but just occasionally, and thus the animals have learned to persist – if at first you don’t succeed, try and try again! – leading to a sense by the owners that the problem can no longer be fixed by simple ignoring.
Luckily, simple ignoring still holds the key to treating this behavior problem. Once the family has defined the behavior as one they are all committed to changing, and have determined in collaboration with their animal behaviorist that the behavior truly is attention-maintained, intervention goes as follows. First, the owners agree to say “No” and walk away from the pet each and every time she jumps in for attention during a hug. At the same time, they commit to catching the pet being calm and relaxed multiple times a day (at a rate that depends on the rate of problem behavior and is determined in collaboration with their animal behaviorist). They must move to the animal at these other times instead to shower her with petting, praise, or invitations to play. Our pets can receive as much attention as they’d like to receive and we’d like to give – it’s just up to us to determine which types of behavior we want to reward with attention and which we’d rather not!
