As I write this, I glance across my desk at its new décor - the paw-print patterned box containing the ashes of my dog Addy. We had to say good-bye to our beloved 13-year-old Sheltie mix this month. As her health and well-being gradually deteriorated in old age, my husband and I found ourselves facing that most heartbreaking decision to have her euthanized. Addy’s death follows the passing of our first dog, Iago, five years ago, and it doesn’t get much easier the second time around. No matter how many have gone before, nor how many are still in our lives (we still share our home with two young dogs), the planned or unplanned death of a dog is a great sadness most pet owners face at one time or another.
In honor of Addy, and as I think about her 13 years with us and Iago’s 15 years with us before then, I got to thinking about what makes a dog’s life with us so precious. Certainly, much of it is the sheer fun of sharing time with a dog. A dog is playful both as a puppy and as an adult, and humans are too. Play is surprisingly rare in the animal kingdom, at least among adults. But humans and dogs share an interest in spontaneous play, and breaking into a wrestling match, a tugging game, or a chase in the back yard comes so easily to us both. We laugh at their antics, are amused and impressed by their intelligence (or sometimes their seeming lack thereof.) Dogs appeal to the natural love of animals so many humans share. Before we even learn to talk or walk, as babies we humans show an innate interest and joy in watching animals, and dogs and cats are often the first animals we have the chance to observe in action. Children bond with pets in important and intimate ways, and dogs seem to bring out affectionate, almost parental tendencies in kids of all ages. In addition to the play we share with dogs, we’re also endlessly smitten, whether we like to admit it or not, by the deep and abiding affection our dogs seem to have for us. Waiting at our door after a long day at work, sneaking into the bed after a million attempts to redirect them back to their own, curling up under our feet as we read or watch TV, dogs provide us with a feeling of their devotion and commitment to us. This just feels good.
As the years go by, with most people sharing a decade or more with their dogs, we also of course go through life changes with that dog at our side. This solidifies our bond through shared memories, even when they can’t exactly reflect on those experiences with us. Addy came into our lives when my husband and I were in graduate school, living in Morgantown, WV, and barely out of our 20s. She was there as we slogged through our dissertations, held raucous parties, moved through three states, and started a family. Addy was at our wedding eating dropped pieces of wedding cake from the grass, and she was there when we brought home from the hospital our son and then our daughter as well. She shared these experiences with us in a way that feels more like a human family member than an animal, and thus her passing is a painful loss indeed. We enter most relationships with dogs knowing that their lifespan is shorter than ours and that we will likely have to one day say good-bye.
I’ve heard people say that the loss of their dog was so painful that they could not bare the thought of having another, and yet soon enough another wagging tail is there by their side, starting the cycle of great joy even in the face of inevitable loss all over again. What greater testament to the many attributes of dogs and the many benefits they bring to our lives than that we are willing to fall in love over and over again like this, knowing we will someday have to say good-bye. If there is a silver lining then, perhaps it’s that each dog, while sharing a completely unique place in our hearts and lives, teaches us so much about love and companionship that we become all the better equipped to pass it along to other dogs in turn. I certainly have learned so much from my sweet Addy over these many years and I like to imagine that she’d be happy to know I could put that knowledge and that love to good use in providing homes and hearths for other dogs today and in the years ahead.
Rest easy, Addy, and thank you for everything.
